It Mattered, And Healing Does Not Change That
My son completely lost it at dinner tonight. Full-on tears. Why?
A Roblox update he had been waiting ages for had just dropped, and of course it happened right as we sat down to eat.
We have just introduced a new rule: 30 minutes of computer time a day. So to him, in that moment, this felt like a genuine crisis. As the crying got louder, I realised something important. He was not just upset about missing the game. He was trying to make me understand how much it mattered to him.
And it got me thinking about how we do the exact same thing as adults.
Why We Hold Onto Pain
We hold onto anger, sadness and hurt for years. Not because we enjoy being stuck, but because letting go can feel like admitting it did not matter. It can feel like we are saying that the painful relationship, the childhood wound or the moment that changed everything was not as important as it felt at the time.
And that thought is unbearable, because it absolutely did matter.
The Fear That Healing Will Erase Our Story
When people start healing, there is often a quiet fear underneath the progress.
Thoughts like:
What if feeling better makes it look like it was not that bad?
What if people forget what I went through?
What if moving on means it did not matter?
But here is what I remind clients of all the time.
Feeling better does not erase what happened. Healing simply means you no longer have to live inside that moment every day.
Being Seen Makes Healing Possible
Eventually, my son calmed down. I let him take his pizza into the living room and play for a bit. It was a small compromise that simply said, “I see you. This matters to you.”
And maybe that is what most of us really want too.
Not to stay trapped in the pain.
Not to keep proving how much it hurt.
Just to be acknowledged.
To have someone say, “I see you. It mattered.”
Healing does not mean forgetting.
Healing does not mean minimising.
Healing means carrying it differently. With less weight, less sting and more space for who you are becoming now.
And you are allowed that freedom. It mattered then, and you are still allowed to feel lighter today.
Being Seen Makes Healing Possible
Eventually, my son calmed down. I let him take his pizza into the living room and play for a bit. It was a small compromise that simply said, “I see you. This matters to you.”
And maybe that is what most of us really want too.
Not to stay trapped in the pain.
Not to keep proving how much it hurt.
Just to be acknowledged.
To have someone say, “I see you. It mattered.”
Healing does not mean forgetting.
Healing does not mean minimising.
Healing means carrying it differently. With less weight, less sting and more space for who you are becoming now.
And you are allowed that freedom. It mattered then, and you are still allowed to feel lighter today.
📍 Based in Llangorse, near Brecon, Hay-On-Wye, and Crickhowell, Wales — also available online UK-wide.
👉 Book a free consultation
I help overwhelmed people feel lighter and back in control - often in just a few sessions using gentle hypnotherapy and solution-focused techniques. Having overcome my own anxiety and depression, I bring both professional expertise and genuine understanding to guide you toward lasting change.
