People Pleasing: When Being Kind Leaves You Drained
You’re the one who always shows up.
The one who says “yes” when you’re running on empty.
The one who smooths things over, puts on a brave face, and keeps the peace — even when it costs you your own.
Sound familiar?
People pleasing can look like being generous, helpful, even strong. But underneath, it often hides a very different truth; one of exhaustion, self-doubt, and quiet resentment.
Who’s Looking After You?
It often starts early. Maybe you learned that being easygoing kept the peace. That making others happy kept you safe. That saying “no” made things tense, so it was easier to just keep going, keep giving.
Over time, it becomes second nature. You become the dependable one, the thoughtful one, the one who doesn’t make a fuss.
But what happens when your needs don’t get a seat at the table?
What happens when your yes means a no to yourself?
The Resentment We Don’t Talk About
One of the most painful parts of people pleasing is the resentment it quietly builds.
It’s not loud or explosive. It’s quiet. Slow. Like a knot in your stomach that doesn’t go away.
You might feel it when you're doing something for someone else… again - and wondering why they never ask how you are. Or when you're stretched so thin you barely recognise yourself anymore, but still can’t seem to stop.
This isn’t you being ungrateful or dramatic. This is your body letting you know: something needs to change.
Gabor Maté: “When We Abandon Ourselves, the Body Keeps Score”
Dr. Gabor Maté, a physician and author known for his work on trauma and stress, speaks about how deeply ingrained people pleasing can be — especially in those who grew up needing to be “good” to stay emotionally safe.
According to Maté, when we chronically put others first and suppress our own needs, we create inner conflict. And that conflict doesn’t just stay in the mind, it shows up in the body.
From tension, fatigue and anxiety to long-term health concerns, the cost of chronic self-abandonment is real. The body can only carry unspoken emotion for so long before it begins to whisper, then shout.
The Shift Begins with Self-Compassion
Here’s the good news: people pleasing isn’t a fixed part of who you are — it’s a survival strategy. And like all strategies, it can change.
You don’t need to swing to the other extreme and become distant or cold. You can still be kind, supportive and loving — just not at the expense of your own wellbeing.
Through Solution Focused Hypnotherapy, I help people gently reconnect with themselves, regain clarity, and build a more balanced way of being. No digging through the past. No judgement. Just forward movement, at your pace.
We’ll work on:
Lowering stress so you can listen to your needs without fear or guilt
Rebuilding boundaries that feel clear, calm and kind
Shifting the inner dialogue from “what do they need from me?” to “what do I need right now?”
Creating space to feel more rested, connected and whole
You can be supportive and have limits. You can care deeply and protect your energy.
You Deserve the Same Care You Give Others
This journey isn’t about becoming someone else. It’s about remembering who you were before you learned to shrink, stretch and twist yourself to fit everyone else’s needs.
You’re allowed to be loved for who you are — not just for what you do.
And if you’re ready to start exploring what life looks like when you stop pouring from an empty cup, I’d love to walk beside you.
Let’s take it one kind step at a time.
📍 Based in Llangorse, near Brecon, Hay-On-Wye, and Crickhowell, Wales — also available online UK-wide.
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